Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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