I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
