I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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