woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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