"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Quick, to the slutcave!
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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