And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
