Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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