btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
