So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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