K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
