I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
