and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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