your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
