I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
