i would punch a child for taco bell
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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