I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize