I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
