There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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