those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
