I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He shit in the fireplace
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
