had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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