Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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