That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
