dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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