you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
