trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
