My room smells like vodka and shame
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
