dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
