don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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