Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
