it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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