Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
