Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
