Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
