Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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