I just made out with a guy for $7.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
