saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
birth control should be required to get into college
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
