i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize
