It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
