i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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