yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
