I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
