mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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