I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize