I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
