I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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