I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
