I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
