That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
