just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
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