I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You ate ashes out of my bong
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
