i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
