your thong is hanging out like whoa
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
