Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
it was like eating out sand paper
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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