It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
