Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
