this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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