she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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