When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
