I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize