I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
