My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize