my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Sober January is a disaster.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Randomize
