I'm jealous of your bromance
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
