I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
