my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
