Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
