i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
