I want to stick my p in your. b.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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