My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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