sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
