PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
