i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
In other news, I just burned my penis
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
