I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
