That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
