Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize