Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
