Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
