remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i now understand why vodka
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
