after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
